


Uneven Odds

by Regina (War_Queen)



Series: Silhouettes [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Don't copy to another site, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:41:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26340562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/War_Queen/pseuds/Regina
Summary: “We are Couslands we do what must be done.”- Bryce Cousland
Relationships: Alistair/Female Cousland/Leliana/Zevran Arainai, Alistair/Zevran Arainai, Female Cousland/Leliana (Dragon Age)
Series: Silhouettes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914055
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. The Ash on Our Clothes

**Author's Note:**

> This Work is mainly focused on the Hero of Ferleden.  
> Snippets of her life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"We are not born for ourselves alone; a part of us is claimed by our nation, another part by our friends."_
> 
> _-Cicero, De Officiis_

“We are Couslands we do what must be done.” Her Father’s words played over and over in young Cousland’s head.

There was nothing for her to do as they journeyed from Highever to Ostagar, Duncan was mostly silent, not knowing what to do or say to counsel a girl he doesn’t know from her grief. So she marched, camped, fed, and, slept with nothing but her mother’s and father’s words resounding around her memory. There was no use trudging up what cannot be undone but all she could think of is what she could’ve done better. Oriana and Orin laying dead on the floor, no mercy given to a child nor the mother who died protecting him. The servants running around the castle in despair, screams resounding inside stone walls that once held memories of merriment and laughter, they were innocent, spectators to the injustice that spurred Howe to kill the man who risked his life to save him, to kill the couple who were the only witnesses to his marriage, unhappy though it was.

What got to her most was her inability to help her father, to convince him and her mother that there was no need for sacrifice, that she would gladly join the wardens and do a hundred hated thing if only to have them live and leave with her. The pain in her father’s eyes and the devotion in her mother’s, the love in both of theirs and most of all her mother’s parting words “We are Couslands and we do what must be done.” 

Sonia knew that if she kept thinking about what happened she wouldn’t make it and so she turned everything she felt into rage and vengeance, “I trust you completely to carry on the Cousland name if the worst should happen.” Her father had said before he knew that betrayal would come from someone he considered a brother, and now she must go on. Live on, find Fergus and carry the Cousland name, draw Howe’s blood like he drew her family’s and when all is said and done she must do whatever she must. 

Meeting king Cailan was unexpected,he was overeager and optimistic, he seemed genuinely sad about her Father’s death but it didn't matter, she must have spoken to him for longer then she remembers but she cannot bring herself to remember anything this trivial.

Duncan said that she must go look for someone named Alistair, she nodded and wandered aimlessly through the run down fortress, her mind jumping from one lily pad to another insistently conjuring parallels for her to mourn over.

She saw the soldiers gathered around the chantry mother, kneeling down and receiving the blessings that she herself refused not too long ago. She didn’t know Whether to envy or pity them their belief. Her eyes trailed off landing on a bone thin man crouching in a cage. His woe attracted her like a moth to flame, and she couldn’t help but approach him, her father’s sermons on helping the poor and downtrodden a constant loop in her mind. Convincing the guardsman to give him food was easy, they always did say that she could charm a mabari off their master.

She received the key the prisoner handed her with a kind smile and turned to the tranquil guarding the chest. Approaching him and speaking to him did nothing but strengthen her opinions towards the cruelty of the chantry. Not wanting to get the man into trouble Sonia gave him the key and headed off without bothering with the chest. Her wandering led her to the king’s tent and to Teyrn Loghain’s after it, asking around took her mind off the revenge she would eventually seek against the treacherous Howe, and so she kept wandering the camp until she ran out of people to talk to and time to waste and finally left to search for this 'Alistair' Duncan told her to find. 

For a moment, perhaps the first since leaving Highever, Sonia’s mind halted its activity. When she saw him, Alistair, she understood why. There was no way she’d forget that face.

They had never spoken before but she had seen him once in Redcliff Castle’s kennels when they were both so very young. She remembers asking why a child would sleep in the kennels and her mother spoke to her of Arlessa Isolde’s cruelty, of her jealousy. She remembered hearing her parents discuss his heritage in hushed whispers late at night. Alistair Theirin, the bastard son of late king Maric, how ironic that they would both end up here. 

“it just occurred to me that there have never been many women in the Grey Wardens. I wonder why that is?” Alistair said and it was quite disappointing to find out that he was just another man who thinks himself better than women. With a sigh and a strong eye roll Sonia sneered with the politeness of a well bred lady “Probably because we're too smart for you.” 

“What does that make you?”, Sonia swallowed a growl and tried to let go of her anger, it was simply not worth it

We are Couslands and we do what must be done

“Incredibly unlucky,” that seemed to take him back and Sonia blinked slowly to recenter herself, she was not here to make enemies especially not with a Theirin, bastard or not. 

He seemed to recover quickly and went on to ask many questions and Sonia answered them amicably, he seemed to be a genuine guy, perhaps her first impression of him was incorrect “I look forward to traveling with you.” She smiled, remembering the sea chantey of her parents 

_“And the Seawolf he took for a servant lass_

_Great Andraste, what an ass!”_

Her smile flattened at remembering their fate and she turned away from Alistair and towards Duncan.

The joining was quick if painful, it was exactly what she needed to snap out of her misery, or more accurately push it to the back of her mind where it doesn’t influence her erratically into action. She found it odd that they would plan for the battle less than a day before it, but she didn’t comment, her icy silver eyes following the tension between the king and Teyrn Loghain in silence. 

Flanked in the peak of The Tower of Ishal with Spindle on one side and Alistair on another, Sonia fought with all the fury of one twice betrayed. She would never fall, she must carry on. If not for herself then for her family.

Despite the many felled the Darkspawn didn’t seem to end, and even if they had killed an Ogre it was not possible to dodge the array of arrows headed their way. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lothering

Loghain quit the field, the king and the Gray Wardens were slaughtered and she was rescued by a witch of the wild. How is it that life provides allies in the most unlikely people and betrayal from those counted amongst friends. Shaking her thoughts off and standing to put on some clothes she pondered that what Morrigan said was true, Alistair and  Spindle are all she has in life now. “Thank you Morrigan.” She turned to the witch with a genuine smile, unlikely allies indeed, she thought seeing the minute flush on Morrigan’s pale cheeks.

Alistair was devastated by Duncan’s death, that much was clear, he spoke of him as of he were a father and  Sonia understood what it is like to loose ones who are dear to you to betrayal. Morrigan and he clearly would never get along, judging by what Flemeth said she couldn’t be blamed for her lack of social skills, and why would she wish to be nice to people who she were forced into being with.  Sonia sighed as she headed towards the agitated street merchant and sister, she had no love for the chantry but she would never ignore people in need, predictably that displeased Morrigan.

Keeping an ear out for rumors they sought a place to rest in, wandering into the tavern checking if they had rooms to spare, unlikely considering how many refugees were around but still worth trying. What they hadn’t expected was to find Loghain’s men inside, more surprising was the chantry sister jumping to their aid, quite efficiently too. When things were done with and the leader of the group had ran off, the chantry sister, Leliana, expressed her gratitude for the mercy. A gratitude that fell on unfocused ears. Sonia was completely focused on Leliana, the way she smiled and absently wiped blood smears of her face, how her elegant fingers tucked strands of fiery hair behind her ear, in all her l ife Sonia never had seen a sister as beautiful as her.

“...thats why I’m coming along.” She said with her lilting voice, drawing Sonia back into the conversation with her.

Sonia blinked quickly and smiled, unlikely allies, “Of course, I could use the help of a talented rouge.” Sonia tucked a  stray strand of her hair behind her ear and raised an eyebrow “I don’t see why  someone like you would like to join us misfits though.”

Leliana’s explanation was, interesting. It wasn’t like Sonia didn’t believe in a higher power, she just... can’t believe in a god that leaves his creation to fend for themselves. 

She agreed to Leliana’s offer nonetheless, Leliana didn’t seem the pushy type who would throw around accusations of hereticism, and  she herself f aced no trouble respecting others beliefs without agreeing with them.

They found a room in the tavern but it was expensive, not an amount of money they had even were they not walking around with what they had on  their backs and the meager amount the extorted from the bandits on the way. Leliana proved useful, pointing out the chanter’s board as a source for much needed coin. Sonia talked with the tavern master wishing to reserve the room until they had money to spare, he wasn’t convinced but a few honied words, some coppers in advance and leaving Spindle as  guarantee that they would be back convinced him of her seriousness. No  Fereldan would willlingly part from their Mabari after all.

With coin in their pockets, Sonia decided to stop by the chantry to ask around and perhaps convince the mother to free Sten. It was mostly a successful venture , one that they came out of with more money , news of  Redcliff’s Arl and something about Andraste’s Ashes. It was tiring and by the end of the day they all huddled in the room in the inn. The room wasn’t very big but it had a bed big enough for two pushed to the corner away from the door and enough floor space for the rest to lie on. Leliana and Morrigan were to sleep on the bed while Sonia and Alistair slept on the floor, positioned just so in case of an ambush. They needen ’t have worried.The ambush came in broad daylight when when they were making their way out of the city with Sten in rank.

  
it wasn’t a long fight, the villagers were weak and clearly desperate, and despite Morrigan’s disapproval, The Warden made sure that they weren’t killed. On their way out of Lothering they rescued two dwarves from a few darkspawn who attacked their carts. The older one, a man named Bodhan offered them supplies in exchange for protection and it is an understatement to say that they jumped at the offer. Resupplied and having nothing else to do in the city they set to go to the Circle of Magi. It was mutually agreed upon that they needed a healer, and while Morrigan rolled her eyes, she also agreed that a simple  creation magic was not enough and that they were in desperate need of the knowledge of a spirit healer.

The roads were long and they trekked for a time of the day before setting camp and hunting for food. It was quite vital that they stop while they had a few hours of daylight since they needed  enough food for two gray wardens, a qunari and the rest.

The Warden was like quicksilver, her personality had many sides to it, changing  like a . chameleon to suit the person she’s talking with.  Compassion and practicality drove her to befriend her companions. Trust wouldn’t come easy to her, she doubted it ever will after everything that happened, but if she knew her companions , if she understood what drives them and who they are, she would undoubtedly feel more at ease having them at her back.


	3. Chapter 3

Marching all the way to the circle tower was filled with hardships and in the warden s’ case, full of nightmares. Sonia woke up more than once from dreams of burning Highever castle that turn to the impending s ong of the Archdemon.

On one such night, Sonia startled from her sleep. Pushing  off the silver strands  stuck to her face , u nused to the startling color of her hair and how easily dirt clung to it, she sat and gathered it all up in a haphazard bun , sighing and press ing her thumbs to her eyes to relieve the pounding pressure behind them.

“Sonia?” Alistair’s voice interrupted the pounding in her head. He looked worried, but not surprised. “Bad dreams?” He asked quietly.

She smiled weakly at him, he was so kind and caring, it was sweet “Its nothing.”

“you can talk to me you know,” he settled next to her; all of them used tents but most nights she would sleep by the fireplace with her sword and shield on hand , a habit of hers that they didn’t understand the reason for, “theres only you and me left. We’ve got to have each others back.”

She grinned at him and nudged her shoulder to his with a raised eyebrow, appreciating the blush raising high on his cheeks and slowly spreading. Her grin turned to a kind smile and she rested her head on his shoulder. Their approximate high t makes it so that they fit perfectly “Thank you Alistair. I will always have your back.”

His wide smile made her laugh and he entertained her with tales to take her mind off things, as he spoke well into the night all she could see when she looked at him is the little mud covered kid, who wrestled around with mabari in Redcliff.

When they reached lake Calenhad, everyone was tired and worn out. The sun was high in the sky and all agreed to a much needed break. They filed in the nearby tavern planning to get moving at sundown. Each were doing their own thing, mostly cleaning their gear. Cousland sat in a corner within view of the door polishing her ancestry shield and surveying the map splayed on a table to set a plan for their progress.

She stared at the map and back to her shield, rubbing the oil into the cracks and marks. She would need another one soon, but she was loath to be parted from it. With a sigh her eyes surveyed her companions. Morrigan sat in a corner reading and Leliana was singing softly as she tinkered with her bow. Raising her eyebrow with amusement at Sten who devoured a plate of cookies set in front of him. With a shake of her head she turned only to find Alistair staring at her. He blushed and smiled softly then averted his eyes.

He was adorable like that, she thought resting the rag on the table, away from the map careful with any stains, and rested her cheek on her palm. He was a kind man, sweet and amusing. He made her laugh even though the world was coming to an end, he was optimistic and kind and always saw the good in things, it was comforting. It helped that he was aesthetically pleasing, a dichotomy of delicate yet sharp features, feelings always out for anyone to see. His kindness, his innocence, it made him attractive, a very competent candidate for when the blight was over and she sought to rebuild the Cousland name.

“Hey,” Leliana’s voice drew her out of her contemplation and she turned to look at the beautiful bard, she was smiling and it was a most beautiful thing.

”Hi,” Sonia smiled, feeling a flush ride high on her cheek, Leliana made her flustered with her soft voice and lovely smile 

“Is it alright if I join you?”

“yes! Yes of course!” She gestured towards the chair in front of her

Entering the circle for the first time was nothing that the warden and her companions expected. There were injured templars and a man whom she assumed to be the knight commander screaming orders.

“Now we wait, and pray” the man said and Cousland couldn’t hold her incredulity, pray? What for?

She closed in on him, drawing up to her full hight to intimidate and draw the attention to her. 

The man was defensive, aggravated and insolent. It made The Warden remember that the days where she was offered utmost respect were gone, in her home she was oft teased and treated as casually as she could’ve been by the servants and the soldiers alike, but they were never this rude and dismissive, the man acted as if he was sent to absolve the people from their sins with how entitled he was.

“I’ve sent word to Denerim calling for reinforcements and the right of annulment.” He said 

Confused her eyebrows almost drew together, only training as a proper lady stopped them. She knew what abominations and demons were, it was not possible to grow with the chant and not know of them, but the right of Annulment she had never heard of.

The more he spoke the more disgusted she grew with the man, he seemed utterly convinced that murdering innocents who are under his charge was the right course of action, it was revolting and unlike what she had heard about the templars, protecters of the mages and the chantry. How were they protecting the mages if they stood cowering behind closed doors waiting for what they call a “right”, to justify killing innocents. “You can’t just kill innocent people! They’re your charges you should be protecting them not cower behind a closed door!” Red spotted her vision and her palms grew clammy, she could feel her skin prickle and the sounds of her family, of blood or not, screaming reverberating in her mind.

“What can you do?!” He asked, vitriol in his voice, he was clearly resentful of her authority as a warden.

“I will do what none of you cowards did, and when the mages are safe, those able will aid me in the fight against darkspawn.

The man ,Greagoir, explained his conditions, and as soon as he was finished the door slammed closed behind her. She was uncertain of what she would do were she to remain in his presence any longer.

No soon as they crossed the hall that they were met with a number of mages, one of them facing off a demon. Her silhouette  was familiar, the mage from Ostagar, and she recognized Sonia as well. She was defensive, hiding the mages behind her 

“What else could they do...” Wynne said and the red dots in Cousland’s vision swirled into a crimson haze and she could barely register what the mage was saying. It was one thing to let the people who trust you, your charges, down; it was her fault and it was a wound she would bare with her every step of the way, the lives of every single life that was wasted that day was on her; but she doubted the templars even knew the names of their charges.

“Are the templars coming for us?” A small voice drew her attention, a boy young enough to be Orin’s age, perhaps even younger “Is death painful? Am I going to die?” He asked the woman beside him, his voice trembling and it was all Sonia could do to not throw up then and there.

She shut her eyes tightly to chase away the image of her nephew and sister-in law, the other children who were not of Cousland blood but were killed mercilessly, but the darkness only brought her attention to the whispered whimpers of a mage in the back praying frantically for the absolutions of her curse and how deserving they were of whatever was to become of them.

Opening her eyes she turned to her companions and ordered Alistair and Sten to remain with the mages and to protect them while she, morrigan, Leliana and Wynne went in search of survivors and the grand Enchanter. They weren’t without objections but the vehemence in her words rendered their argument silent and they obeyed her lead.

Being in the fade was odd. Commanding the magic of shapeshifting was fascinating. Navigating the fade and it’s frustrating logic wasn’t as interesting but she pushed through, curiosity picked by a world shaped by the willpower of it’s dwellers.

It felt invasive when she stumbled upon Leliana’s and Wynne’s nightmares, but they both were so ensnared by the demons games and she had to convince them that it wasn’t true what they were seeing. She was thankful they hadn’t come at her with promises of a family restored because she didn’t trust herself to refuse.   
when she came upon Morrigan’s nightmare and saw that she, an apostate was the only one unaffected by the demons honied words, she felt as if she saw the lies of the chantry unfold in front of her eyes. For all intents and purposes Morrigan should be leaping at the offer from the demon, but unlike Wynne a circle mage, Morrigan was immune to the illusions. When the demon slapped her Sonia pulled her sword with a growl, attacking it.   
Morrigan disappeared and Sonia knew that she had to befriend her, no matter the cost.   
  


It spoke ill of the templars that when all was said and done they couldn’t recognize a blood mage or a possessed templar, both disappeared with no trace when backs were turned and negotiations were being drawn.

Sonia understood in a profound sense that what the chantry spread about the mages and templars was all lies, from what she had seen the mages were nothing but victims to the templars who played at being protectors just as Loghain played them with promises of freedom. The Teyrn’s list of sins grew larger by the moment and it left no doubt about his intentions when he abandoned the people in Ostagar.


End file.
